Waiting to Find Yourself

Many of us who discover that we are without guidance struggle to find “The Right Path”. In our minds, we have carved out the notion that there is a singular right way- one right way of doing things — one perfect job, one perfect relationship — and this is, of course, the key to our happiness. “Once I find myself, I’ll be happy.”

If we could just unlock the mystery and tap into the one thing that was created by the Universe (or God) specifically for us, just waiting to be discovered, life would actually turn out alright. We say to ourselves time and time again, “God has created the perfect opportunity for me…I just need to find it.” We figure we are owed these perfect opportunities, but they just haven’t arrived knocking on our doorstep. If we happen to miss the opportunity when it knocks on our doorstep, then we’re definitely out of luck.

We often believe that the need to discover our purpose and key to happiness entitles us put ourselves first. This is the point where you tell yourself, “If I can just find myself…just figure this out, then I’ll be fine. I just need to get through this and the pain will all be over.”

Wanting to figure out what makes you happy is a great desire. Carrying it out as a means to an end, regardless of how many people it hurts is just plain destructive. The obsession around focusing on one’s self is not only tiresome but pointless and damaging. Because this approach is based on what might be termed “magical thinking,” it is unlikely that you will ever find a way for healing and the discovery of a true path to occur. I call this “magical thinking” because it is based on superstition instead of the very real change of paradigm that is necessary for true Spiritual growth.

Our old paradigm looks for the path that the ego self agrees with and approves of. The ego is neither objective nor wise. So, naturally, if we rely on ourselves to provide this guidance we’ll never achieve satisfactory results. I’ve seen people with this attitude still be very stuck after 5 years, 10 years, and longer. Some go backwards, becoming more cynical and jaded than when they began, as the search for “the perfect calling/opportunity/job/relationship” drains them daily. Some put the pursuit for what they believe will lead to happiness over all other responsibilities, regardless of those left behind or commitments that had been previously made.

The reality is that this superstitious way of thinking is just that — superstition. It’s the hope that we hold onto to tell ourselves that things will get better. We believe that the Universe must give us the perfect opportunity because, well, “We’re worth it.” But, in fact, the Universe does not “owe” us anything. We can, by training our minds, bodies and spirits, create opportunity, but it isn’t there simply because we have a great smile.

Another “magical thought” is: “If I just wait long enough, bide my time and make wise decisions along the way, good things will happen.” But that attitude can be very destructive because things rarely change at the level we want them to just by biding our time. When things aren’t happening quickly enough we often decide that people who we believe, in our ego-centric haze, stand in the way of our happiness (i.e., those who dare to disagree with us) need to be eliminated.

Taking the attitude that we are owed something by the Universe often makes us unable to recognize our fear manufactured by the “ego self” — derailing us from finding a true path (I’m not referring to a “one right path,” but a path that will in fact bring true learning, power and knowledge).

So if we give the ego its way and search for a perfect path according to its terms, we’ll eventually find ourselves kicked to the curb by the swift kick of the Universe’s big heavy foot! We’ll have wasted years and have grown pessimistic due to all of the false starts and dead ends. Continued disappointment eventually turns into disillusionment. Disillusionment turns into despair. You get the rest of the picture.

The true solution is to eliminate the force of the ego self. Find yourself by realizing there are several great opportunities out there (How? Because you can create them). The goal is not to “find yourself” for the sake of finding happiness, but for the goal of learning.

You may take a sub-optimal path, then later get on a different path. Conversely, maybe you’ll follow the first path through to completion. Stop thinking “It was meant to be.”, or “Not meant to be.” You’re going to learn something regardless of what path you decide to take.

The solution is simple. Quit analyzing and examining every contingency. Find yourself by surrendering control over the process. Just get out there and do it. Acknowledge that every path (choice of action) has benefits and drawbacks. Therefore, one perfect way or opportunity is unlikely exist. Be open to the fact that your path will involve serving others instead of obsessing over yourself.

Believe and know that when you start to act (start to write, make that important phone call, start doing the research, and so on), that this is the beginning of opening a door which will lead to learning, growth and peace. All of a sudden you will realize that you don’t have just one key on your keychain, but several keys. Some keys will open doors easily, others will jam or remain locked. Take stock of all of the new and possibly exciting opportunities to consider. And as you open up the doors of possibility, more often than not, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what you find on the other side.

Now let your soul roam wild!

Nicole.